BREAKING NEWS

Baillout to Air on Special "Deal or No Deal"

WASHINGTON, D.C. - With no clear end to the financial crisis in sight and the bailout plan at a standstill, President Bush decided to take things into his own hands late Monday.  At around 4:30 pm, Bush made the executive decision to bring bailout negotiations to primetime television.  In one of his smarter moves as President, Bush announced that the terms of the bailout will be on the line in a special Deal or No Deal to broadcast live tomorrow night.

The full details of the show will be announced later tonight. But this is what we know so far:

• Henry Paulson will have his head waxed, recieve 10-20 botox injections, superglue his own pubic hair to his chin, and be the shows guest host.
• The Deal or No Deal models will be replaced by Capital Hill's finest women - including Nancy Pelosi, Sarah Palin, and Condoleezza Rice.
  
• All proceeds from the show will go directly toward the bailout fund.
  

Bush commented on his plan, "It's a plan where everybody wins. It ensures that we'll have a deal by Thursday and it will be great entertainment. Heck, I love that show. On top of that, we'll be able to take the money made from the show to pay for the majority of the bailout."