Saturday, November 1, 2008

BSI - Blackout Scene Investigation

The Post Blackout Guide (Waking up alone version)

The blackout.  We've all been there.  You vaguely remember that last shot that pushed you over the edge, but after that its completely black.  Nothing.  You wake up confused.  Your either naked or fully dressed in what you wore out the night before.  But unlike last night where you were money, or at least you thought you were, you look like a heroin addict in desperate need for the next fix.  You sit up in bed and put your hand through your hair and look around.  "How did I get home?  What happened?  How did I blow it this time?  Fuck, blacked out again."  So many questions.  You want to throw up, but you don't.  You drag yourself into the kitchen to get some water and see an empty pizza box with crust scattered throughout the kitchen.  You take a deep breath and prepare yourself for the task at hand: Putting together the pieces from the night before, BSI - Blackout Scene Investigation.  

But don't get too far ahead of yourself cowboy.  Before you try and figure out who or what you grinded on, who exactly "hot jenn" is in your phone, you need to get your life together.  First priority - Locate and account for all personal belongings.  The big 4 - wallet, phone, camera, keys.  These items are not only valuable, they are evidence from the night before.  Your keys are likely to be found in the door,  or within a 5 foot radius of it (or possibly in the fridge), the other 3 will likely be scattered throughout your place, or at least you hope so. Once you've finished your scavenger hunt and collected the "big 4" its time to get down to business.

  1. Inspect the wallet.  Make sure you have all your ID and credit cards.  There's approximately a 13% chance you left your tab open.  Gather any receipts and save them as evidence.  
  2. Check your phone for new numbers, drunk dials, and all texts past midnight.  Hopefully you didn't blow it with that cute little piece you've been workin.  
  3. Unlike yourself, cameras don't blackout. If you were coherent enough to take it out, your camera will show you how awesome you were the night before.  But don't get too big of a head there big tuna, 30 minutes later you were likely kicked out, carried home, or passed out (alone).  
  4. Dial up the friends you went out with.  You can either be blunt - "yo, blacked out hard last night...what happened?"  Or your can beat around the bush and fish for details.  You're call.
Through a combination of word of mouth, pictures, receipts, and cell phone log analysis you should be able to put the together the pieces of the puzzle called the night before.  Now go hit up that diner, shower up, and get back in the game and make yourself that mimosa you've been craving before withdrawal sets in.  You've earned it.  
 

Waking up next to someone post blackout is an entirely different animal.  Fuck your belongings - all you care about is if you were coherent enough to wrap up your shit.  The Post Blackout Guide (When you fucked a random) will be coming soon.