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"Hey, You Guys!"

from dealbreaker.com

A few comments from dealbreaker:

• "Sarah Palin just RS-VP'd"
• Q: "What's the difference between  Sarah Palin's vagina and her mouth  A: Retarded things come out of her vagina only occasionally."
• "May as well hire Corky from Family Ties--he couldn't possibly screw up worse than the friggin 1400 SAT crowd"
• "Corky was on Life goes on, not Family Ties.  What passes for disabled these days?  If I write my resume in Crayon, will that get me a gob at ML?  Or would it be lost in the sea of resumes from Lehman also written in crayon?"

Morning Mimosas

Everyone knows the feeling...you wake up wondering how you ended up in your bathtub, you can't speak due to the dryness throughout your throat and mouth, and you smell like cigarettes and stoli/Red Bull.  The three extra strength Motrins aren't doing much to help the throbbing headache you have and you're praying for relief from the misery you're feeling.  Water seems like a potential solution, but it's not, in fact, the cure-all.  When waking up the morning after an unnecessarily excessive night of consumption, reach for a Mimosa and slide back into the magical element you were in about 5 hours back.  Not only does it provide you with the minimal amount of liquor your body needs to return to autopilot, it also fills you with the essential vitamin C needed to stay healthy during a trying weekend.  For ten total dollars, you can get yourself a bottle of Andre champagne and a large jug of Tropicana Orange Juice, equalling about 6 Mimosas.  That should be good for a trio of cocktails on both Saturday and Sunday morning, keeping your engine running and your liver pumping.  If you're really feeling silly, throw some vodka in there for good measure and a great afternoon.  Just make sure you focus if trying to drive!  So pour yourself a morning Mimosa, turn on the slideshow of pictures from the prior evening (mainly you grinding on an oldie), and gear up for early afternoon beirut with a few delicious Mimosas.   Hey, it's gotta taste better than the saliva of the 40 plus you made out with!  Go Goats!!!

"Why Most Men Are Republican"

-So I got this email the other day from my godmother. She's off her rocker and lives in a different world. I seriously have said to my parents about choosing them, "like really? what kind of drugs were you guys on?" When it comes to whackjobs-she's in cooperstown...i think it goes al davis, britney, and godmom. I'm dragging a bit - so to get the point...she is beyond republican, as right as you can get. Last time she came to visit she was legitamately mad that we had heinz ketchup (John's Kerry's wife is Teresa Heinz). she actually left to go for a walk...like, seriously? I may rant about this more in the future. but anyway, below is the email-i got a laugh...

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Which democrat would you get on? List em' 1-9 with details...I think i'd do Teresa first and get a lot of ketchup and mustard involved just to spite godmom.

Structured Procrastination

- Both were from articles in WSJ in past month
"Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important." -Read on.... http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/

So that explains it -fuckin brilliant...so that's why I'm always making to do lists and never seem to take care of the things at the top of the list. e.g.- I haven't registered my car in Florida (its been 4 months and law says by 2 weeks), and I keep saying today is the day I'll talk to some Indian [dot] halfway across the world at HP customer support to get my laptop fixed.


http://evernote.com/ - "Evernote allows you to easily capture information in any environment using whatever device or platform you find most convenient, and makes this information accessible and searchable at any time, from anywhere."

-A high tech way to organize and make to do lists / avoid doing things that need to get done.

Classic LIterature of the 21st Century

Howard uses the AABB rhyming scheme to perfection

An Ode to the Subway Big Philly Cheesteak (link)

by Ryan Howard

Dig in my cleats, take a bite.

Oh, the flavor soars out of sight.

Big Philly Cheesteak puts burgers to shame,

Outta be inshrined into the, mmm, hall of fame.

T.I.

T.I. - Paper Trail

[Click on song to listen]

1. 56 Bars (Intro)

2. I’m Illy
3. Ready For Whatever
4. On Top Of The World (feat. Ludacris and B.o.B)

5. Live Your Life (feat. Rihanna)
6. Whatever You Like
7. No Matter What
8. My Life Your Entertainment (feat. Usher) - [my jam]

9. Porn Star
10. Swing Ya Rag (feat. Swizz Beatz)

11. What Up, What’s Happnin'

12. Every Chance I Get
13. Swagga Like Us T.I. and Jay-Z (feat. Kanye West and Lil Wayne)

14. Slide Show (feat. John Legend)

15. You Ain’t Missin’ Nothing
16. Dead And Gone (feat. Justin Timberlake)

One word - wow. I didn't think they made albums like this anymore. T.I. killed it on this one -every track is quality. For those simpletons out there that only listen to what the radio tells them...stick with #4, 5, 6, 8, 13, 16 for now.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears may not have the looks, own MTV or the billboard charts like she once did, but she sure has mastered the arts of:

1. the attempted comeback - I'm pretty sure I threw up in my mouth at least 3 times during her performance at last years VMAs
2. being a complete whore - various...
3. being a complete whack job
   

Well folks...she's at it again [sigh]

1. Britney Spears - Womanizer - the first single (see link) off of her new album, appropriately titled "Circus."
2. Britney Spears to bid on own sex tape - reportedly features "a naked Britney wearing a pink wig, engaging in various sex acts."
3. In addition to the wig, Britney wore some of her old memorabilia from her Mouseketeer days (specifically Mickey Ears) and sang/screamed/gargled the Mickey Mouse Club Song throughout much of the duration of the two hour video (actual photo below)

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Mickey Mouse Club Song [Britney remix (ft Lil John)]
Now it's time to say goodbye... (whatt)

To that slamhole Brit-a-ney.... (ok)

B-R-I-T, bag [t-bag] you real soon (sweat drops down my balls)

N-E-Y, Why? Because we can... (skeet skeet motherfucker)

S-P-E-A-R-S...(skeet skeet got dam)

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Dear Britney,

Keep doing coke until your thin and hot again.

Love,

PrimegroStrand

Nasty Pants!

The following classy & tasteful (flavors available) product was brought to you by my boy Turtle
Ever have one of those mornings where you wake up in an unfamiliar room, next to some unfamiliar slut, with a used condom on the ground that you may or may not have put on correctly/broken/ripped off so you could nut on her face? Me too! Happens all the time...

Want to get so drunk you can stick your dick in anything with an orifice and not have to worry about fathering another illegitimate son, paying child support for the rest of your life, and then watching her run off with that scumbag Tony who was probably the real father anyway? I mean that that bastard didn't even look like me...um you...ugh, I mean...that could happen.

Anyway just get Nasty Pants. If she's hammered enough to fuck you, she's hammered enough to fuck you in a full body condom.

*Ribbed and flavored versions available

-Turtle